Silver Lining Ideas

Inspiritional ideas to reach your goals & find the silver linings of your clouds

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Fundamentals of Communication

We live our lives in continuous connection with others. Internet gives us a lot of opportunities to avoid human contact, but it does not mean you do not need to communicate with others. Actually I think it became even more important to be able to express our thoughts and feelings effectively. We may need to prepare ourselves for public speaking for a job or explain something to our family. Communication is an essential part of our lives.

Basics of Communication

I do not want to go into details about the science of communication, you have already learnt it at school or you can check it on Wikipedia. It is important that during the process of communication you need a sender, a receiver and a message. If you know the basics, than it is worth to learn more about assertive communication. It is kind of a fancy word, everybody talks about it but it seems that only a few people do it actually.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

According to Wikipedia’s article about assertiveness, “The term and concept was popularized to the general public by books such as Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Behavior (1970) by Robert E. Alberti and Michael L. Emmons and When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How To Cope Using the Skills of Systematic Assertiveness Therapy (1975) by Manuel J. Smith.”

Communicating assertively basically means that you take into consideration the other person’s interest but you also express your own interests. It is crucial during conflict resolution but I believe it is important also in our everyday lives.

Aggressive, Assertive, Passive

Assertiveness is usually explained by the difference between aggressive, passive and aggressive. If you behave aggressively in a situation it means that you consider only your own interests and needs. If you behave passively, it means you consider only other’s needs. Being assertive is the common point, when you consider both your own and others’ interests as well. It’s like finding the right balance on a scale.

Don’t put people into boxes and say they are aggressive, passive or even assertive. We are talking about how we behave in different situations. Sometimes the best choice is to be passive. You can let your 7-year-old niece win in Monopoly. Sometimes the best choice is to be aggressive. If someone wants to rob you, probably you won’t start negotiating assertively. So assertive communication isn’t the magic key to answer all of your problems. However in many cases, it can be a solution. If you learn to communicate assertively, you won’t hurt other’s feelings.

Assertive Rights

If you have ever participated at an assertive communication or conflict resolution training you may have heard about the bill of assertive rights. These rights can help you to set limits for yourself and for others. Read them through and make sure to remember them when you interact with others.

The Bill of Assertive Rights in When I Say No, I Feel Guilty reads as follows:

  1. You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.
  2. You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.
  3. You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.
  4. You have the right to change your mind.
  5. You have the right to make mistakes – and be responsible for them.
  6. You have the right to say, ‘I don’t know’.
  7. You have the right to choose to accept or not accept “help”.
  8. You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
  9. You have the right to say, ‘I don’t understand’.
  10. You have the right to say, ‘I don’t care’.
Photo by Jopwell from Pexels

Other resources quote different, but still very similar assertive rights. The point is to keep in mind that we are all humans. If you find it difficult to respect some of the rights when it comes to you or to others, it is worth to sit down and think through how you behave. What are your difficulties? What comes naturally?

I believe that the key for our relationships is assertiveness whether they are professional or private. It means for me listening to each other openly, expressing ourselves honestly. Contact me if you want to learn more about how to put these into practice.

**Cover Photo: Photo by VisionPic.net from Pexels**

Present with Confidence – 7+1 tips from TEDxBenedekHegy Speaker – Part 2

In my previous article I started to share with you some tips for speech preparation. You already know that you need to get to know your audience and the circumstances. You should become an expert of your topic even if you did not choose it. It is also important to prepare first the speech itself and only after the visual aids. What else can you do to prepare for your speech? Here are some more methods which have already worked for me.

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Present with Confidence – 7+1 tips from TEDxBenedekHegy Speaker – part 1

Nowadays it is not enough if you are good at something, you must be able to present it flawlessly as well. I was asked several times for job interviews to prepare a presentation as a prework for the interview. However according to some studies a huge percentage of people are actually fear more of public speaking than death. I believe that if you prepare properly and practise, you can be a master of presentations. Some of us feel more natural to be on the stage, others of us spend a lot of time practising to get used to it. But it is a skill which can be developed. You can develop too.

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When You Don’t Have Goals

Goal settings, to do lists, successful people, we hear about them all the time, even here on Silver Lining Ideas site. However, there are some moments in life, when we do not know how to carry on. We feel that we are supposed to figure out how to continue our lives, what to do next, but our brains are sometimes empty and we have no idea what to do.

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3 Methods for Living More Mindfully

We can hear mindfulness nowadays a lot, but it still seems a little bit mysterious thing. What is mindfulness really about? How can you implement it into your daily life? Let’s see first Wikipedia’s description of it:

“Mindfulness is the psychological process of bringing one’s attention to experiences occurring in the present moment, which one can develop through the practice of meditation and through other training.”

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Procrastination You Big Mean Monster

Procrastination: “the action of delaying or postoning something”. We all do it. Sometimes we postpone activities which has less priority, sometimes we postpone more important tasks.

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How To Live Like a Jedi

Even though Star Wars is “just” a science-fiction, it is full of learnings what we can implement. George Lucas studied Eastern cultures and created a world where Jedi are guardians of peace and justice. Whether you like Star Wars or not, you should read the teachings of the Jedi, because the principles they apply are valid for our everyday lives.

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Why to Write a Diary? Why Not?

The literature, theaters and movies are full of stories of diaries. People since centuries has been writing about what happened to them, recording their feelings and memories. In our digital world, we have plenty of opportunities to record all these things. Does it still make sense to write a diary?

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Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019

Every year millions of people make new year resolutions in the first days of the year. Usually we want to be fitter, healthier and more successful. Whatever they mean. What makes a man successful? How would you define healthy?  I prepared 3+3 special questions to close your year of 2018 and start a purposeful year of 2019.

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Story of a 30-day-long Challenge

Social media is full of 30-day-long challenges. Some of them inspire us to take on a new habit such as doing squats for 30 days. Others encourage us to do restrictions such as not drinking alcohol or not eating sugar.

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